Saturday, 11 February 2017

STAR STRUCK


I cannot remember which match it was but I remember he sped like an Okada.
He was one of the reasons I started watching football.
I listened to Brilla FM and read Complete sport just to know how he was doing. I spoke about him as if we were related.
I remember hurrying out of my GCE Mathematics examination just to watch the World Cup qualifier. Even though he scored twice we did not qualify.
When he moved to England and my team played against his, I could not decide whether to support Chelsea or Newcastle.
When I had the opportunity to travel, I would look around for him at the airport – waiting to get a photograph with him that I can finally put it up with a caption – Guess who was star struck today J?

@asakeokin

11/2/2017
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This post was inspired by the @africanwriters February challenge - day 10 title is Star struck.

Edited by Lerato

Friday, 10 February 2017

New beginnings

There was no sunshine or moon light. I am certain there were no stars. I could hear sounds but it seems far away. It was always dark and I wanted to leave everyday but at the end of the day I find myself exactly where I started.

Today I decided to run. I kept running till I reached a dead end, previously I would have turned back but today, I decided to hit the surface that always prevented me from going further. I thought it was a hard wall and I would get injured but surprisingly it was a wooden door and I broke it down.


For the first in a very long time, I watched the sunset, the moon glow and the stars glittering. Today is my new beginning, the day I decided to break the top of every tunnel so that whether it is sunny, the moon is out or the stars are shining I can always find my new beginning.

@asakeokin

 ___________________________________________

This post was inspired by the @africanwriters February challenge - day 9 title is New beginnings.

Thanks Lerato (blvbookclub) for editing this post 

Thursday, 1 December 2016

BLVbookclub's post: BE A SMART MONEY WOMAN

I am one of those people who never finishes reading a self-help book or a biography but buys them whenever I am going through one of those low moments. I cannot remember when I started following Arese on Instagram but I think I clicked on her profile from a post Nimi Akinkugbe put up. Arese’s “The Smart Money Woman” book launch/tour flooded my IG timeline frequently but I thought it was another self-help book and that thought brought back memories of how I struggled to complete “Rich Dad Poor Dad” while in University. I am one of those people who pride myself in saving before spending so when my friend Bukola handed over Arese’s book to me as a late birthday gift, I was wondering what more can I learn. Click to continue

Edited by  Lerato  Nkanyezi  Ndlovu 

Friday, 9 September 2016

Lẹẹkansi

Yaay!! My first personal post of 2016 – Yes, I usually don’t write about myself.  

Two weeks ago, I realized I graduated 6 years ago. 6years of absolute change and transformation. When I was leaving University and relocating back home - I had only two goals – two goals I am yet to achieve.  Looking back at the goals, I feel if I had achieved them, I wouldn’t be the better version of myself today; hence, I am very thankful

My life has taught me not to judge people by their “yesterday” and to give them the benefit of a doubt even if they hurt* you because if anyone had judged me by my very subtle past, the person is probably reading the 5th  edition of a book that now has a 15th edition.

I remember reading a pre-wedding story on Bellanaija where the husband stated is fiancée used to be a party hopper and he was not that kind of guy so they went separate ways. Years later when he met her, she was a transformed lady and they are getting married. What if he never gave her a second chance?

I also remember the story about a guy who used to have sugar mummies in University and did not know whether or not to mention his past to his bride to be. Four years after marriage with a second baby on the way, his wife still thanks my friend for introducing them. The peace of mind and love in her home cannot be compared with any of the relationship she has experienced including her parents own – who are your regular upright prayer point couple.

To be honest, I can go on and on about stories on how people have changed and how second chance should be given.

I saw this quote on my friend’s profile –“When someone treats you like an option, help them narrow their choices by removing yourself from the equation” I remember replying “When you have the opportunity, treat them way better but try as much as possible not to be available to them again” – (maybe I should let go of the “again”, if they come back willingly – give them a second chance, if they mess up again – then let go)

Till next time, remember age does not equal maturity, when life happens, we are forced to grow up faster than others. You might have met someone in their immature stage, they probably have grown up now – give them a second chance.          
                                                                                           
*Hurt: excludes hurt in an abusive manner. Please, if someone is abusing you – physically, sexually, emotionally – get yourself to a safe haven then get counselling.

Lẹẹkansi is a Yoruba word that means “again", "try again", "one more time" and maybe "Second chance”

Post was edited by AOB 



Thursday, 4 August 2016

BLVbookclub's post: The Path

Do you think you have never walked the path ? That path you are ashamed to speak about, that path you were the victim at the same time the person to be blamed or that path you initiated someone into thinking it is the right path. Your home became silent with the mention of the path. We all know the path exist, sometimes we know people who have been through the path, we want to speak about it but silent seems like the best form of dialogue




Edited by Fadekemi 

Wednesday, 30 March 2016

Bella Naija's post: Hakuna Nyumbani! Let’s Join Hands to Help Internally Displaced Persons in Nigeria

I must have missed the Social Studies class or I was carried away with my teacher’s eloquence and “poshness” that I didn’t recall whether she taught migration happens willingly or unwillingly. For a very long time, I thought people always migrated willingly. 

Monday, 12 October 2015

Bella Naija's post: Borrowership 101

In Principle of Finance class, I was taught that the sources of funding include; family and friends (F&F), grants, financial institutions etc. Apart from F&F, other sources might require the borrower to meet certain criteria. (Read up the 5 Cs of credit if you are getting funds from a financial institution.)

A couple of weeks ago, I decided to clean-up my internet banking by deleting beneficiaries I did not foresee future transactions with. As I cleaned it up, I realized about 3 or 4 people who promised to payback funds borrowed by month end did not fulfil their promise – 2 out of these people never mentioned anything about the money till date.


 Edited by AOB

Wednesday, 17 June 2015

24days

“Asake, I dread my daughter coming home today, I am going to get all sort of mood from her and it wasn’t my fault. How do I explain it to her that the ATM did not dispense but my account was debited? You see, I bought her siblings books last week but most of hers were not in store, she ran home yesterday excited about her textbook being available and I promised to get it today. This morning after they left home, I decided to withdraw money from the ATM and it didn’t dispense, I walked into banking hall and I was told it would be reversed in 5 working days.  Before you ask neither my husband nor I have spare money to buy her books; we usually stick to a budget when it comes to their education.  This is school resumption time; everything is tight, no spare money in circulation as most of my friends also have kids in school” Bose said.

My name is Asake –Okin and I am cashless. Yes, I am one of those who are cashless to the core as I depend 98.5% on cash in card. I am your typical online airtime recharger, faithful POS user but sometimes holding cash is necessary as Danfo (public transport like Matatu in Kenya and Taxi in SA/Angola) do not accept card or mobile payment – our payment platform has not grown like the Mpesa so we still roll with cash.  Although I could relate with Bose’s story, I never had to wait longer than 24hours before any failed transaction was reversed until few weeks ago when I had to travel to Ibadan.

Since I was travelling with Danfo, I needed cash which I attempted to withdraw at another bank’s ATM. Just before dispensing, the ATM went out of service and my account had been debited. I waited awhile then called my bank’s customer care line and the personnel who picked my call stated a call will be logged with the other bank on Monday and I should expect a reversal in 5 working days.  I followed up on Monday to ensure the call was logged and in the following days, I kept calling. By the 10th working day, I was pissed, by the 16th day I stopped calling as I had spent over 500 naira following up.

It took 24days to reverse a 10,000 Naira failed transaction.  Although the money was not a show stopper for me, I couldn’t help but worry about people like Bose whose last penny or decision making funds is held in the bank for days while opportunity is being lost and relationship is being broken.


I am not an expert on card payment, hence I reached out to a friend for assistance

ASÀKÉ-̀KÍN: I have some questions with respect to ATM withdraw

Babs : Shoot.

ASÀKÉ-̀KÍN: How long does it take to reverse a failed withdrawal?

Babs :  Ideally, it should automatically reverse latest by 11:59pm. if not, please log a dispute claim with your bank. If used your bank's ATM  reversal should 24hours but if you used other bank's  ATM reversal should be 3-5 working days.

ASÀKÉ-̀KÍN: Mine took more 6 working days.

Babs : Maybe your bank did not log it on time. In reality, your customer service consultant either sends an email or log it on their bank's portal depending on how the bank operates. Dispute team reviews then logs it against the other bank on a dispute management portal." The bank has 5 days to revert.

ASÀKÉ-̀KÍN: What if I did not notice my failed transaction, can the bank reverse it?

Babs : Yes, only automatic same day reversals.

ASÀKÉ-̀KÍN:  What if I did not notice early?

Babs  : Even if you notice after 6months, complain at your bank and your funds could be returned but this not guaranteed because some card scheme set a limit on dispute. We expect you to check your balance periodically.

ASÀKÉ-̀KÍN:   Is it possible to reverse failed transaction funds deducted but not dispensed without logging?

Babs : Due to some technical difficulties, it is currently impossible to do so. ATM, POS and the likes make use of internet services, once a link is down, it can affect an ongoing transaction – each ATM has a report that shows whether or not a particular transaction dispensed funds – When a customer makes a complain, the bank checks the report, then reverses the funds.

ASÀKÉ-̀KÍN:   In January2013, banks were supposed to begin Cash reversals on ATM. “Most money deposit banks in the country have begun immediate cash reversals of uncompleted transactions on their Automated Teller Machines (ATMs) and customers are happy about it, Nigeria CommunicationsWeek has learnt. Uncompleted transactions on ATMs occur due to system malfunction; insufficient funds on the cash machine; and network failure among others” Nigeriacommunicationsweek

If the above is in place, why did I have to wait 24days in 2015 before I was refunded?

 Babs: Lol, we tell you to wait 24 hours for instant reversal because there is a possibility that your reversal is on queue waiting to be processed. Instead of 24 hours, just wait till 11:59pm & make your complaint first thing on the next day.

ASÀKÉ-
̀KÍN:   Mid last year, two of the banks I use started sending weekly summary via sms, being one of those people who dislikes sms alert ( privacy purposes plus N4 is a lot of money o !) I called one of the banks to stop but I was informed it was a CBN regulation, I must confess the weekly summary has assisted in detecting misalignment between my balance in mind and balance in bank.

Babs: I am not sure about the weekly or monthly summary were mandated by CBN. You can send a mail to CBN info@cenbank.org 

ASÀKÉ-Ọ̀KÍN:  Thanks Babs.

Babs : Anytime Asake 

Personally, I feel the most important thing is detecting you have been debited for a failed transaction. So till next time, pay attention to your bank statement – you might discover couple of missing Nairas


Edited by Opson Eniola Dada 

Sunday, 19 April 2015

Change: Not another political post

“Sade, Sade, Sade” my dad called out. Before I could answer he was already in my room.
“Your University is in this country so I cannot say you are jetlagged, why are you not dressed for church?” my dad asked
“Daddy, I have attended church service already” I said
“Haba Sade, a well brought up Christian child should not tell lies, your car is still parked in front of mine oh, I forgot you landed your jet on the roof abi” my Dad said sarcastically.
I laughed and responded “I attended church online”
“Really, I told your mother allowing you to go to that Christian University might result in a change of your denomination. My daughter, show some respect, when you are home, attend our church, when you are back in your University, attend your church; thank God you are graduating this year” my dad said
Asake, before I could respond, he stormed out of my room screaming Mama Sade, come and hear what your daughter said. I was expecting my mom in my room soon after, but they zoomed out since they were both rushing for service, when they returned, all hell broke loose.
Sade, Sade, when did you become a big liar... Where did you learn all these from?
“Dad, I am sincerely sorry” I said
Sorry ke, which of the lies are you sorry for, or you want to add another lie? My dad asked
“Sade, Olivia said your University does not have online service” my mom said calmly.
I almost burst into laughter but I had to control myself
Yes mummy, she is right - my University does not have an online church service, I just attend the school’s service because it is compulsory however when it comes to my spiritually, I attend Lifesaver* Church, so when I cannot make it there physically, I attend our online church service- it is very convenient.
Sade, you moved from our family church to Lifesaver?? What is the name of the man that is influencing you? When am I meeting him? What else has he changed about you? My dad asked
Dad, the church is run by my pastor and his wife” I said
Do not play dumb, who is the man responsible for your change in denomination? My dad asked
Asake, I tried to explain to my parents how I attended a seminar hosted by the church and decided to switch but my parents were not convinced. If only they know I only bother about my education and God. Sade concluded.

When Obong and I became friends, she was a Chelsea fan, after a messy break-up with her then boyfriend; she became a die-hard Arsenal fan which led me to conclude Obong was only  supporting Chelsea to please her boyfriend.  Obong is not the only person who made a change because of the opposite gender and when the relationship was called off, the change was unchanged however there are people who have changed because of someone and still maintained their new life after the person walked away.

A friend once narrated a story of a guy (Toye) who converted to Islam because his girlfriend’s family will not allow her to settle down with a Christian. After the acceptance of Islam the family still prevented their union narrating how the girl’s uncle converted to Islam only to revert back to Christianity after the birth of their first child.  It has been 4 years since Toye’s relationship ended, he is still a practicing Muslim, just returned from Hajj and he is the Amir of a relatively popular society in Nigeria.

Sometimes, our decision to change is personal other times, it is influenced by someone.  Irrespective of the influencer, change is inevitable
Till next time, don’t be afraid of change however remember to consider your individuality before making a change

*Lifesaver is not the original name of the church.
 Edited by Lola Johnson and Tomi

PS :Do you have a change story to share? Is it personal or influenced change? Who influenced it? We will like to hear from you


Wednesday, 11 March 2015

Extra Mile

One Friday afternoon, while waiting for my brother to get off work, I decided to have a late lunch at the Fast-food restaurant opposite his office.  After waiting for an hour (I can’t complain, they allowed me to drive his car for weeks), I was on my way to the ladies when I noticed a young couple exercising with their lips, they were passionately engaged that they did not notice passersby and onlookers like me.

30minutes later, the love birds left the restaurant, the girl got into a cab for which the guy brought out his wallet and paid for. Barely 5 minutes later, he waved down a bike and zoomed away. I left the restaurant shortly after this, on getting to the bus-stop at the end of the long street; I saw him trekking then he got into a public bus known as Danfo.   This event brought back memories, memories of my secondary school days when a boy will buy 1 Pie and 1 Yogurt for a girl then buy himself 1 Puff-Puff 1 Zobo.

Can you remember any story of where you had to give it all to get someone a gift or take them out (please don’t include family sacrifice)? For me, I battled to remember any, maybe because I try as much as possible not to put people under pressure to impress me or because I have rolled with people who I know will only buy or give what they can truly afford.  Personally, I had to save it all to get someone a black pair of jeans when I was a corper (youth service)

Till next time, go an extra mile for that somebody.  


Edited by Opson E. Dada and Lerato  Nkanyezi  Ndlovu 

Sunday, 25 January 2015

Inconveniencing my convenience


“Haba!, Asake, why do we do this? I am not a diva but I am #Teamwindowseat and only a matter of life or death can make me switch seats. Sometimes last year, I took a 16hours flight and 10 minutes into it, the lady sitting next to me in the middle seat asked if I could swap seats with her husband who was also sitting in the middle seat but on the next row. Sadly, I turned down her request. I felt bad throughout the flight that I separated a couple as the lady was constantly turning back. Asake, I have changed flight before because there was no window seat available. Window seats are my comfort zone” KB narrated.

Just like KB, I am also #Teamwindowseat. Several weeks ago, I had the opportunity of flying and on getting to my window seat, it was already occupied. A man with his kids were sitting on my row and upon informing him his daughter was sitting on my seat, he told me to speak with the airhostess who informed me he gave my seat out then pointed to a middle seat with no apology. I asked if he could atleast provide a window seat, then a lady on the new row happily swapped as she doesn’t like window seat. The airhostess was very thankful to the lady- I mean you just changed the seat I booked a month earlier without an apology. Maybe they booked their flight last minute however if they wanted to be seated as a family, they should do so without Inconveniencing me” I thought.

We all inconvenient others knowingly or unknowing, personally in 2014, I did arrive late for several doctor’s appointments with the mindset that the patient before me will still be in. Twice at my dentist, there was no patient before me which resulted in the patient booked after my appointment time seeing the dentist a little late.

A lot of us, myself included sometimes operate on “African time” which basically means it is ok to be late.

It’s impossible to change overnight, however it is possible to make an effort to stop inconveniencing other’s convenience.

Till next time, consider the impact on others when making a decision

PS: If you have ever had an inconveniencing my convenience moment? Please feel free to share with us

Edited by Opson E Dada

 

Thursday, 8 January 2015

A bold step?

Today’s marriages sometimes seem like for better for stay, for worse for go, till sex, cash and battering do you apart.

Every 7days, you are constantly reminded that your relationship status is unmarried. Another weekend is around the corner; don’t get overwhelmed with the HML updates.
Sometimes, I feel like I am the only unmarried person around. Asake, when are you getting married? Is there a new Bobo? Asake, why are you hiding him? Asake, you better lower that your standards. The pressure to settle down has been immense and trust mother to keep including it in her prayer points.
“I want to settle down after University” Lucy told her boyfriend but he asked her to give him 5years when he would have raised enough money for their wedding ceremony and for starting a family. His target is $70,000 but he currently earns approximately $1000 per month in Nigerian Naira. Haba how persin go dey plan for $70,000 wedding when e no fit even afford car.
“Asake, I love this girl, she is beautiful, intelligent, prayerful but she keeps insisting on settling down and I am not ready. You won't believe I have been given an ultimatum or else she will marry her parents’ preference whom is from their tribe. Should love have ultimatum? I need to be emotionally psyched to get married and she does not seem to understand which I find strange considering her high EQ. Moreso, she's going for her masters in United Kingdom and I gave her my words that we will settle down as soon as she completes her master’s program.” Tony said
“When is your daughter getting married? At 36, she's not getting any younger o!, even her younger ones especially the boys are all married. Where two or more family members are gathered, her daughter's marital status is being discussed”
“Asake, Kevin is talking marriage and I am definitely going to say No when he pops the question. Don’t get me wrong, I do love this man but all he talks about is how he cannot wait for us to start having kids, he is even suggesting I get pregnant before our family introduction. I want him to propose because he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, with or without kids. What will happen if I do not get pregnant by our first anniversary, will he walk away or take a new wife? It seems like his life achievement in marriage is having kids, if this mindset does not change in 6 months, I am walking out on our relationship” Carol said
“Asake, I am worried about this marriage business. My house is like a bus-stop for my friends, they always stop by when in the neighborhood. Even when I instructed our security man to have a default response that I am not home, they still come in to greet Iya Tunde but they never come empty handed; they come with engagement ring, wedding invitation, Aso-Ebi, post marriage pregnancy or even their husbands. As soon as they leave, Iya Tunde becomes a prayer warrior however recently she has started questioning the benefit of keeping female friends when I watch other guys whisk them away” Tunde narrated
People have gotten married for various reasons, some are based on technical/emotional reasons while others are religious based : love, foresightedness, employment, procreation, religion, wealthy background, sexual pleasure, culinary skills, values and the list goes on.
“For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh” Genesis 2:24 KJV
And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.." [Quran 30:21]
Over the years, I have learnt marriage is not perfect; it is not one size fit all, it is not the solution to all your problems, and it is also not a quick getaway. I look at marriage as a one way trip where there will be misunderstanding with the customs officials, turbulence, sometimes stop over, might be quickies with the hostess or other passengers, excellent and bad food, high and low altitude, longer stay in the toilet, boring and exciting in-flight entertainment, duty free, temporary change of seat, technical and mechanical fault and additional crew members. The duration of this trip can be longer than 40years, have you ask yourself if you really want to be the co-pilot? What will make you change your final destination? What will make you stick to the pilot or co-pilot when the engine is faulty? What will make another flight offering enticing?
Personally, I love fairytales, the prince will sweep me off my feet but then I realized life is not a Disney story. Life is Life; it is different for everyone and happily ever after does just not happen – the partners involved have to work for it. Last week, I was in a group discussion when a colleague said, it takes four things to make a marriage work out – God, communication, intimacy and cash- she has been married for more than 15years.
I do not know the secret to settling down, I do not know the secret to a good relationship and I still do not know the reason why some people choose to settle down but I know marriage is not a fashion statement- last summer’s trend or in vogue, it is a decision that can unite or break the world. Don’t get caught in the all my friends are getting married moment. Get married because you are convinced and ready to do so.
Till next time, remember “The magic isn’t in getting married; the magic is in staying married. In the pursuit of relationship we can all search for people to live with but there is somebody out there you will find if you are fortunate enough that you cannot live without” David Talbert : Baggage Claim
PS: If you are married or about to get married, could you please share what motivated you to take the bold step, you never can tell, your story might motivate others who are also struggling to figure out why they should.




 Edited by Opson Dada & Lola Johnson



Tuesday, 6 January 2015

2015


Another calendar year just went by, it is possible you experienced some ups and downs; take the lessons and move on with life. For lots of people, a new year gives an opportunity to start on a clean sheet; it is not about starting over again, it is about improving your life. I learnt something last year, about goal setting, write down all the roles you play in life and try as much as possible to put in goals that will have an impact on those roles. Example of roles I play – a daughter, a sister, an aunt, an employee, a best friend,  a blogger and an amateur photographer-  it is difficult to set goals for all the roles you play so pick  3 or 4 most important ones and work on it per quarter or biannually. Goals do not have to be rocket science- it can be as simple as “improve communication with my spouse” by spending at least 10 minutes a day listening to him speak about his day (cheeky abi )

2015 is an election year in Nigeria, for those who will be participating, remember to do so peacefully. For your own safety, try as much as possible to refrain from airing your political opinions publicly as you cannot control how others react to it.

For me, It has not been easy blogging - your support has kept me going, even in my very quiet quarters, some of you reached out to me to find out when I will be posting something new. I do not do this alone; I am supported by a team of editors and people whose stories have influenced a post.  I want to say thank you. Thank you for seeing me as a confidant, a story teller and a gist partner. Thank you for understanding writing styles are different and we cannot tell stories the same way.

For avoidance of doubt, 99% of the posts on this blog are true life stories and less than 5% is the blogger’s experience.  This year, I hope to share some of my photographs with you and also the post I have been skeptical about sharing.

Have a wonderful 2015, ÀSÀKÉ-Ọ̀KÍN cares.


Sunday, 14 September 2014

Ise abi Alafia


Always warm, always welcoming. This is how I remember her. She was one of those people who is neither a client nor a business associate but I always bumped into her atleast once in two weeks at a café very close to my place of work.
Shaba, how are you doing today? You look abit tired? I said
“Asake, I have been battling with flu for almost two weeks. I have taken medications and homemade remedies, yet no improvement” Shaba said
“Maybe you should see a doctor” I said.
Very unusual, I bumped into her the following Monday and I enquired about her health. She had not been to the hospital because she had exhausted her medical aid for the month and payday was 4days away.

“Four days? That is a long time, why don’t you go tomorrow or on Wednesday, I will give you a loan till pay day” I said
Thanks Asake but if I take any day off, it will be deducted from my leave days. I have planned this year’s leave with my daughter” Shaba said
That was the last time I saw her.
The last time I was at the café, a lady came to console me on the loss of my friend. For a second, I was lost- then she said Shaba was a good mother and colleague. She narrated how she had seen me with Shaba a couple of times and assumed we were friend.

Which Shaba? No, it cannot be Shaba, I broke down at the café and I was inconsolable. I took the rest of the day off work and kept wondering if she ever went to the hospital to treat herself. She did not live to witness her annual leave and sadly work still continued.


She had a still birth, she had a still birth, my sister was carrying a set of twins, and she carried the pregnancy for a full term – 8months then gave birth to dead children” Warimu cried.
Warimu narrated how her sister was feeling a bit tired but was determined to work till 8months inorder to spend maximum with her kids. She kept complaining how she didn’t feel it was okay to spend just 3months with twins. After their devastating loss :her sister’s husband  asked her to choose between being his wife or being an employee of the organization she worked for. If she chose to be just his wife he agreed to pay her monthly salary till she puts to bed and their baby is atleast 6months. Her sister did not lose her life but the young couple lost their first pregnancy- they had shopped and decorated for the twins.

This post is dedicated to everyone who has had challenges settling hospital bills and those who are afraid of taking days off work when ill or afraid the maternity leave is not sufficient so they had to work till they are about to put to bed.

Health is wealth

Ise means work

abi means or

Alafia means health

Edited by Opson Eniola Dada

 

Monday, 11 August 2014

Ẹwa

Have you ever felt guilty after reading a post?

Most times, after reading a deep religious post, I feel guilty and reassess my relationship with my maker however few weeks ago, I felt guilty after reading a non-religious post

“I am very sorry for calling you fat girl” I wrote to my friend.
“No problem dear” she said.
We kept chatting and I told her why I apologized. She was surprised it had nothing to do with Ramadan. My friend had reached out to me a couple of months ago about size; she has gained weight since she started work. Jokingly, I usually call her fat girl and we do laugh about it .She had tried different diet but none worked. Funny enough, the weight gain suits more than her “stingo” size.
She has always been chubby, as a child she was bigger than her older sister.  Although I am taller than her, we do wear the same size of clothes- one day I went shopping and changed my mind about the outfit after leaving the store, instead of returning I told myself Bamo will wear it. We usual tease her about her weight, her mum once said Bamo eats very healthy food, unlike her other daughter who is slim, watches her weight and eat junks, Bamo eats proper food. I wonder if our usual teasing puts pressure on her to starve herself and become skinny? Does she feel her sister's size is the acceptable size? Do we make her feel she is wrongly sized?

“Asake, can you believe one of my colleagues asked when I am due? He thought I was pregnant? I couldn’t answer him, I just froze. I used to think I was skinny person with a perfect size but when he asked, I had to get a weighting scale in my room. That was when I realized I wasn’t gaining weight but my tummy was getting bigger. I am looking for tummy slimming tea” ID concluded.

I joined the gym couple of weeks ago and some of my colleagues could not understand what I was doing there. One said “it is good to keep fit” I smiled and told her my goal was to make my tummy flatter. If you know me, you will know my tummy is competing with my neck when it comes to size, it is almost non-existing.
After reading the
post , I realized the power of passing comment when it comes to people’s body. I had just started NYSC when my boyfriend asked me if I ate food after 7pm. “Baby, of course I do, the staff bus usual get to my bus-stop between 7.30 and 8.30pm” I said. No wonder your tummy is getting bigger. The next time we spoke, he suggested I do sit ups. More than 3years after the relationship ended, I am still working on getting a flatter tummy, I look out for calories and sometimes attempt to do sit ups. I finally joined a gym and work with pro-tummy reduction gym equipment

Do you remember Sheila from “Why did I get married”? How her husband’s comment affected what she ate, wore, means of transportation she took and herself esteem?  And do you remember how her second husband's words encouraged her to maintain the shape she wanted?


A lot of people are already struggling with their self-esteem, then we pass comment that lowers it further, some people would never have considered boob job, if someone didn’t make a comment about their boobs, some people would not have bought buttocks (nyash) pad, if you didn’t call them flat.

Be healthy - know your BMI - love your body and remain healthy
Till next time, remember not everyone is Christina Aguilera – Words do bring people down even though they are beautiful, so do not take them down with your comments.
wa means beauty is Yoruba – (my mother tongue)

Edited by Opeyemi “Opson” E. Dada