Friday, 22 March 2013

Kò tò gbá

I have included Swahili in most of my post. I decided to title this post in my native language. Ko to gba means before acceptance.  This post should have preceded Tuende Ngoja however inspiration comes at different times. If you recently left a relationship or you are about to start a new relationship. This might or might not come in handy. *Feel free to scroll through*

Some say opposite attract, I will say a perfect balance should attract. Your partner should never be too different from you. Balance = compatibility. Balance here should be defined as the ability to withstand some certain behaviours which your partner "posses” and are not similar to your behaviour.

How will you know? It’s an old way. Investigation. I have always wondered why Muslims in the time of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) were able to marry within a short period. The Why- because of no fornication, you can't be around an opposite sex without a chaperon and early marriage is encouraged.  A high percentage of arranged marriages works out why- investigation.

From reading, I found out that Muslim do a background check on the family their ward is about to join, the same is done by Indians before agreeing to an arrange marriage.
What should you be checking out for? The fundamentals- things very important to you. Are they important to him?  There was a guy in my life at a very tender age, we were about to get serious but I realised two things - he wasn't Muslim (at that age, I didn't count Islam as important to me as it is now) and secondly he didn't have a relationship with his siblings (that has always being important to me, family is everything even though I don't show it most of the time). I decided not to take our relationship to a next level. Why? If someone doesn't have a relationship with his own family members, he 'might' not understand why I need to have a relationship with my family.

How will you investigate? Very simple- Internet and friends. I have come to realize, the world is a small village. I have learnt a lot on twitter and facebook. You need to look beyond the surface.  If he tweets, you can gauge his reasoning faculty (if intelligence is important to you). The kind of things he retweets can tell you his interest.

 Recently, I made new friends and during our conversations I discovered I know people they know. My brother used to know the brother of a guy of interest to me. I just feel if you want to go the long way with someone, take sometime to learn and find out about them before you commit. You can't learn everything at once, the key is find out about things you can't bend. While in University, an acquaintance   told me her boyfriend folks did background check on her, she loved clubbing and at the same very religious (two extreme combos). They wanted a religious girl with family values and they felt she will grow out of her "clubbing". They got married before I finished university.

He doesn't have to be perfect; you just have to strike a balance.

Divorcée give the best marriage advice (big smile)


  1. Hey, I like it!

  2. Asake! Just bumped into you so I here I am reading your blog for the very first time.
    Interesting and sensible perspective, althouth I would beg to differ on the "benefits" you've ascribed to arranged marriages.
    In any case, ko to gba, making an effort to find out the kind of person the guy/gal really is can only help.
    Good stuff!

  3. Relationship issues are usually very tricky with lots of loose ends..but truth is you have to apply wisdom before making any decision. About lowering your not about lowering what u require from your spouse but bringing yourself low to see if the new guy/girl would still like u if u were out and broke.