Every 7days, you are constantly reminded that your relationship status is unmarried. Another weekend is around the corner; don’t get overwhelmed with the HML updates.
Sometimes, I feel like I am the only unmarried person around. Asake, when are you getting married? Is there a new Bobo? Asake, why are you hiding him? Asake, you better lower that your standards. The pressure to settle down has been immense and trust mother to keep including it in her prayer points.
“I want to settle down after University” Lucy told her boyfriend but he asked her to give him 5years when he would have raised enough money for their wedding ceremony and for starting a family. His target is $70,000 but he currently earns approximately $1000 per month in Nigerian Naira. Haba how persin go dey plan for $70,000 wedding when e no fit even afford car.
“Asake, I love this girl, she is beautiful, intelligent, prayerful but she keeps insisting on settling down and I am not ready. You won't believe I have been given an ultimatum or else she will marry her parents’ preference whom is from their tribe. Should love have ultimatum? I need to be emotionally psyched to get married and she does not seem to understand which I find strange considering her high EQ. Moreso, she's going for her masters in United Kingdom and I gave her my words that we will settle down as soon as she completes her master’s program.” Tony said
“When is your daughter getting married? At 36, she's not getting any younger o!, even her younger ones especially the boys are all married. Where two or more family members are gathered, her daughter's marital status is being discussed”
“Asake, Kevin is talking marriage and I am definitely going to say No when he pops the question. Don’t get me wrong, I do love this man but all he talks about is how he cannot wait for us to start having kids, he is even suggesting I get pregnant before our family introduction. I want him to propose because he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, with or without kids. What will happen if I do not get pregnant by our first anniversary, will he walk away or take a new wife? It seems like his life achievement in marriage is having kids, if this mindset does not change in 6 months, I am walking out on our relationship” Carol said
“Asake, I am worried about this marriage business. My house is like a bus-stop for my friends, they always stop by when in the neighborhood. Even when I instructed our security man to have a default response that I am not home, they still come in to greet Iya Tunde but they never come empty handed; they come with engagement ring, wedding invitation, Aso-Ebi, post marriage pregnancy or even their husbands. As soon as they leave, Iya Tunde becomes a prayer warrior however recently she has started questioning the benefit of keeping female friends when I watch other guys whisk them away” Tunde narrated
People have gotten married for various reasons, some are based on technical/emotional reasons while others are religious based : love, foresightedness, employment, procreation, religion, wealthy background, sexual pleasure, culinary skills, values and the list goes on.
“For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh” Genesis 2:24 KJV
And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.." [Quran 30:21]
Over the years, I have learnt marriage is not perfect; it is not one size fit all, it is not the solution to all your problems, and it is also not a quick getaway. I look at marriage as a one way trip where there will be misunderstanding with the customs officials, turbulence, sometimes stop over, might be quickies with the hostess or other passengers, excellent and bad food, high and low altitude, longer stay in the toilet, boring and exciting in-flight entertainment, duty free, temporary change of seat, technical and mechanical fault and additional crew members. The duration of this trip can be longer than 40years, have you ask yourself if you really want to be the co-pilot? What will make you change your final destination? What will make you stick to the pilot or co-pilot when the engine is faulty? What will make another flight offering enticing?
Personally, I love fairytales, the prince will sweep me off my feet but then I realized life is not a Disney story. Life is Life; it is different for everyone and happily ever after does just not happen – the partners involved have to work for it. Last week, I was in a group discussion when a colleague said, it takes four things to make a marriage work out – God, communication, intimacy and cash- she has been married for more than 15years.
I do not know the secret to settling down, I do not know the secret to a good relationship and I still do not know the reason why some people choose to settle down but I know marriage is not a fashion statement- last summer’s trend or in vogue, it is a decision that can unite or break the world. Don’t get caught in the all my friends are getting married moment. Get married because you are convinced and ready to do so.
Till next time, remember “The magic isn’t in getting married; the magic is in staying married. In the pursuit of relationship we can all search for people to live with but there is somebody out there you will find if you are fortunate enough that you cannot live without” David Talbert : Baggage ClaimPS: If you are married or about to get married, could you please share what motivated you to take the bold step, you never can tell, your story might motivate others who are also struggling to figure out why they should.
Edited by Opson Dada & Lola Johnson