Sunday, 26 August 2012

Tuende? Ngoja

You have been having issues and you no longer know if he is the one.
Rewind to when you first met or when you became official, you knew he was the one. Few weeks, months or years later you want to leave.

If you can't be honest with anyone else, be honest with yourself

Do this simple exercise, one per day.

Day 1: What attracted you to him?

·          religion

·          wealth

·          good in bed (Some relationship started from a one night stand)

·          physique

·          Intelligent
Name it?

Day 2: Positive things he has done for you.

·          rescued you from broke-ness

·          counseled you

·          studied with you

·          Smiles when he sees you

·          Drove long distance to see you e.g. Ajah to Ikorodu
Name it


Day 3: Negative things he has done then with a clear mind indicate where you are to blame for it.

·          stood you up

·          cheated

·          disrespected you

·          disgraces you in public

·          tells his/her friends about your intimate moments

Name it

Day 4:  Is there someone else?


(The truth is that we are all human, we can easily get attracted to someone else because, we are not perfect neither is our partner. We might find someone that has something we wish our partner had).

Day 5: Are you in an abusive relationship


Are you abusing him or is he abusing you? Physically, emotionally or financially? There's no excuse for abuse. Sometimes, when one is being abused, one tends to fear the unknown of the future, other times; we just pack our bags and leave.

- have you thought about counseling, even if you are leaving, and he is the abuser, try and help him. You can do so through anonymous referral and pay for the counseling. I am sure it is possible to set up someone as his buddy without him knowing that can counsel him. If you are the abuser, be honest with yourself and get help

Day 6:  If you can, apologize for all the wrongs you did...

Day 7: Mediate:

If you are in a relationship, take a break without asking. It can be for a day, or for an hour. Switch off your phones, just have a quiet reviewing your result if you are married, maybe you ask your partner for permission to go and relax somewhere.

Day 8-10:  Review day 1- 7

- read about couples you admire, ask a married person how they survived their relationship.

Think it over, can you change? Will you stay?

If you believe in God, don't forget to carry Him along, He's all knowing.

Relationship is hard for some, easy for others, everyone has a different reaction to situations, you can leave, come back and he will still be waiting and there are chances he won't be waiting. Be patient, review, rethink then make a decision.

Finally, we tend to bottle up a lot of things, please try having a serious non blaming conversation with him or her.

*enda – means go
*Tuende means to go...

*Ngoja means wait

(The post is titled in Swahili)




  1. This is a lot to take in and I mean that in a very good way. Good Job, Bills.

  2. Nice 1..very nice..I like dis :D

  3. Honestly, this is coming at the right time. Tnx a mil