Wednesday, 22 May 2013


First of all, go down low.

There are many first in our lives. First born, first boyfriend, first position in class, first to reach the finish line and also first to go down low.

"Asake, you can't keep pinging him. If he's interested or if he misses you he will surely come around, if he doesn't then let him be." Lolu said.

"Bilqees there has to be a balance, if you are the one always communicating, be ready to continue that if you get married.  If he can't meet you at the midpoint, then maybe you should just let go" Chi said.

I remember putting up "if he's not meeting you at the midpoint, you need to rethink your relationship" as personal message on my BBM. It generated lots of ping but Debola’s ping was very different. He asked “U r qualified to give relationship advice because?" My response- Haven't you noticed divorcée give the best relationship advice.
"No they don't, they tend to give stupid advices that increase divorce rates" Debola said.

Enough about work! How is your relationship life, Dee asked? I am single again o! I said. Njoki, what happened? Dee questioned. You know me na, very stubborn, naughty girl and he couldn't handle me, I said. On a serious note, I don't understand why a guy will go 48hours without checking up on his girl. I said. Dee laughed and said young lady, guys are configured differently. If a guy is rest assured you are there, he might not check up on you for days, it doesn't mean you are not important, he just feels you are ok. Don't get it twisted, women are the communication kind, most guys are not.

I am of the school of thought: don't give up especially when your heart is there however I also believe that never assume you are on the priority list, live with the thought that you are not.. It hurts lesser.

Awhile ago, I had a discussion with a colleague about the non-communicative boyfriends and her answer was, know his love language and use it to your advantage.. You can visit the website if it will help

A good friend of mine once said, if a girl likes a guy, checkup( strictly call, sms or ping)  on him once in awhile, a guy might like you but he's scared you might turn him down but when he see the likeness his mutual, he will be motivated to approach you..... So before you let go of being the first to communicate in a "likeness stage"- (no relationship yet) try the exercise below

1. For one or two weeks, continue to initiate communication
2. In the third week, initiate the communication twice.
3. In the fourth week, communicate once.
4. During the 3rd or 4th week, if he doesn't initiate any communication at all, then maybe you can make a call on letting go of the likeness.

The truth is, let your heart guide your decision however never show "desperacy", it annoys a lot of people and you can lose the "likeness" relationship forever. But if you can, just be truthful to the guy- I like you very much, I just wanna know if you feel the same way.
Till next time, never force any relationship, learn to let go if it is not mutual.

Kwanza is a Swahili word meaning first


  1. this is lovely

  2. interesting

  3. Nice one! Communication is key in a relationship and its no job of one side, if the man love his woman, he will definitely get in touch everyday. If its so bad that his work demands is so high, some mins a day is not too much for him to call, text or ping.

  4. Am proud of Ʊ Asake........τ̣̣ђё sky is ur starting i always say 2 my fwends, if he's yours then you don't av †o fight or struggle

  5. Sis, Dis is so true. Very Lovely Blog, Am very Proud of u Sis. I'll be like you when I grow up :)

  6. Thing is, u cannot care about someone and not want to check on her atleast twice in 24hrs. Ok no time but u will definitely be able able to resist atleast a text once during the day. Granted, u don't want to give up until u are sure but the human mind is twisted such dat dey just r more intrested in that one dat seem not so available. Give d guy a lil challenge. Ignore him for a bit. He will come running to u, especially if u always used to be the one to check on him. However, it is ok to do the asking straight up thing d writter suggested. That is some boldness which is often appreciated. Asking him outrightly what his stand is. Nice post there Asake.

  7. Hi Asake, really wonderful post you've got here, I wonder if I can post it up on my blog. Thing is I have a friend who is going through something similar and would like to modify some text and publish, I hope you wouldn't mind!! Great job!!!